


Stop Ghosting Me

by FizzleFudge



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Emotional Connor, Gaming, Internet Friends, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28874679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzleFudge/pseuds/FizzleFudge
Summary: Connor is embarrassed by being emotional in front of Markus, and does what any sane person would do: Ignore him forever.
Relationships: Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Stop Ghosting Me

When Connor woke at nine in the morning, he felt ready to throw up. As he ran to the bathroom, he tripped on the doorstep and hit his head on the edge of the bathtub. It hurt so much the world disappeared for a minute. When he slowly rose to sit on trembling knees, he began to cry. Not a lot, but enough to make him angry at himself.

He didn’t believe crying was making him less of a man, nor that it was an act reserved for teenage girls, but he did think it was a display of emotional distress - which he did not want to apply to himself.

The feeling of sickness failed to dissipate, thus he didn’t dare leave the bathroom in case he really did need to throw up. It was freezing, as the tiled floor didn’t generate any heat to his naked frame. He rarely felt sorry for himself, so even now he convinced himself he merely felt sorry for his physical body, which had such an unstable master as himself by the wheel of command.

After a while, his head stopped throbbing, and although he did not feel well, he finally decided to get up from the pathetic position of kneeling on the dirty bathroom floor. Wincing, he slowly made his way to the kitchen to open the practically empty fridge. He hadn’t gone shopping for groceries since Wednesday, and although he was bad at eating enough every day, the food quickly ran out.

When he started to brew a cup of coffee with yesterday’s powder still in the brewer, he allowed himself the tiniest bit of pity. Tomorrow was Monday, which meant he would have to wake up at six to make his way to work at the overrated coffee shop in town. Badly, he wanted to call in sick, but he was in dire need of the mediocre salary he made by the hour if he didn’t want to get thrown out of the two-room apartment he rented.

Shaking his head, Connor tried not to think of the next day, but rather at his situation at the moment. In a cupboard he found a package of crackers, and took one to dip in his coffee before eating it. Hopefully the calories were enough to give him energy to walk down the street to buy some food for the upcoming week.

Still feeling tired, the weak breakfast at least made some of the sickness go away, so he sat down in the chair by his desk and started his computer. The sound of the fans beginning to work and the opening sequence of the operating system calmed him, and he drank the last of the old coffee as he quickly typed the password. When the Steam application automatically started, he saw some of his friends online, the majority of them living in Europe, since it was still forenoon in the states but closer to dusk on the other side of the globe. He considered contacting someone, but thought better of it. Now, he was not exactly in the best of moods to be playing around with people, and instead started Dark Souls to play by himself.

Forty minutes later, a notification from Markus made his gaze wander from the boss he fought, instantly making him lose half his health, and Connor closed the game in frustration. The message Markus had sent was an invitation to join a closed party in Team Fortress 2, and thinking it might cure his unease, Connor accepted.

“Hey, Connor!” Markus’ voice found its way through Connor’s headphones, surprising him in its cheerfulness. “How are you doing?”

Usually, Connor always found playing TF2 with Markus easy. Their dynamic made the hours passing feel like minutes, and no matter how bad they were at the game, it was fun regardless. Markus’ jokes made Connor laugh, just as Connor’s reactions made Markus laugh. Their friendship was probably the best relationship he had ever experienced, and if the little nervous lumb of emotions fluttering in his gut every time they spoke were anything to go by, his body agreed more than he would quite like it to.

Today, however, was a different story.

“I’m fine”, Connor lied as he felt the bundle of nerves in his stomach interfere with this morning’s sickness, that was on the uprising again. He didn’t want Markus to worry, though. If the kind man believed Connor felt ill, he would never stop nagging about it, and he didn’t want that kind of pity-talk. “How are yourself?”

“Great as ever”, Markus answered. “I got a response from a clothes store wanting me to come for a job interview on Wednesday.”

“Awesome.” Connor tried to sound happy, but failed to come off as even a quarter as cheerful as his overjoyed friend. In his normal mood, there was no other voice he enjoyed as much as Markus’, but now he found it incredibly annoying and almost condescending when the lad spoke.

“You sound a bit off, wait a sec and I’ll fix the speaker settings.” Then Markus started humming to a song, and Connor, in his extremely emotional state, completely lost his temper.

He wanted to shout at Markus, but he didn’t know why or what he would say. There was nothing to scream about anyway, not really. Instead, he just started crying again, only this time it was not any shy tears slowly making their way down his cheeks; now, it flowed like a river as he practically  _ wailed,  _ loud and ugly.

He heard Markus say something, but he didn’t hear what was said. Through his blurry vision, he ended the call so that the lad wouldn’t hear him embarrass himself any more than he already had. Cursing himself, he drew his knees to his face and hugged himself as his body shook with the effort of carrying such a breakdown.

Why did he act like an emotional teenager all of a sudden? His usually carefully disguised feelings were running amok, and he punched his legs in exasperation as he didn’t know what to do. He found it hard to breathe. Was he hyperventilating? He wasn’t sure, but he tried to breathe normally, and after infinity-long minutes of concentrating only on the air going in and out of his lungs, he stopped crying. He untangled himself but did not rise from the chair. He felt embarrassed, and tried to figure out the reason for his wreckage.

His mother had passed away a few days ago, although that hadn’t surprised Connor. About half a year back she had been almost completely paralyzed after a horrible snowboard accident, and Connor had stayed by her side in the hospital for quite some time. When he realised he would never have any contact with her, as her mind was trapped in a practically dead body, he had already said his goodbyes to her. Of course he was sad when his father had called and told him that his wife had stopped breathing, almost incoherent by the broken voice of someone in the middle of crying. But he did not believe this was the reason for his breakdown.

A couple of days ago, his landlord had knocked softly on Connor’s door while he was making toast. Upon opening it, he had seen the short lady holding a note she tentatively gave him before walking away. A bit weirded out, he’d read the note and instantly gotten cold feet. His last payment hadn’t gone through; his rent wasn’t paid this month. He had hurriedly opened the bank application on his phone and seen that, indeed, there was a notification of the payment having failed because the account didn’t have enough money. Thankfully, the landlord was kind, and had written that it was alright if he didn’t gather the money this month, as long as he paid both months’ rent during the next payment. It was not a horrible situation, but it did mean that all his savings had finally run out, and his only source of income was a stressful job at a dumb coffee shop.

Still sitting in his chair and staring blankly at his computer screen, Connor sighed raspily. Although he had been stressed after finding out he had less money than he thought, he hadn’t allowed himself to really think it through. That same night he had drunk a few beers and played some dumb game together with friends, thus taking his mind off the revelation. Perhaps it had been floating on the surface of his mental bowl, and this morning it had tipped over - making Connor completely lose his cool.

Now, he was embarrassed. Letting his dear friend hear him cry to no end felt horribly selfish. As if he was the only one with problems, while Markus went through his days without ever feeling down. His friend was always showing his happy and goofy side when they spoke, to the extent that Connor almost believed Markus didn’t have any other moods, so why should  _ he  _ be the bringer of malcontent? Why the hell had he answered the call? His awful mood must have infected Markus as well, and the mere thought of him being the reason for Markus' smile being ripped away was heartbreaking. 

Ashamed, Connor turned off his computer without looking at the screen, and went to lay down on his bed. And as he lay there, knees to his chest and an emptiness in his chest, Connor felt terribly lonely.

He woke up at three in the morning on Monday. He didn’t quite feel tired, but every action was very sluggish and his mind felt a bit dizzy. Yesterday, he had slept the entire day and awoken sometime in the evening, only to go to sleep yet again at eleven o’clock. Now, his stomach rumbled since it hadn’t been fed anything but a cracker the day before, but it would have to wait some more until he arrived at his job later.

He remembered a stupid TV-show he had watched together with his friend North some time ago. It was about some kids building a time machine to travel back in time to punch themselves for asking the prettiest girl in the school out on a date, since both of them had been laughed at for thinking they were in her league. Thinking about the show, Connor actually chuckled, and rose on unsteady legs to sit by his computer. He quickly found North’s username on Discord and dialed her. While he waited for an answer, his gaze wandered to the row of friends to the left, and his breath hitched when he saw that Markus had left him more than a dozen unread messages.

North answered the call, and Connor’s focus shifted. “Hello?” she spoke, voice coated with the raw layer of tiredness instead of her usual lively tone. “It’s three in the bloody morning, Connor.”

“I know”, answered the lad, instantly feeling better when hearing his friend. “Do you want to watch  _ Two Kids Building A Time Machine?” _

“Connor”, North said followed by a yawn. “It’s three o’clock. Go to sleep.”

Connor sighed. Did he have to tell North about what happened? Surely he could use the pity-card on his friend, to make her feel bad if she didn’t watch the show with the embarrassed little Connor? He cringed at the thought of it, and shook his head. No way was he going to tell anyone about his childish outburst.

“But we haven’t seen that show in  _ ages _ ”, he tried instead. “With you always hanging out with Chloe, it sometimes seems you have forgotten about your friends!”

“We played Gang Beasts only two days ago, Connor”, North deadpanned. “But alright, we can watch an episode or two, but only because I don’t have work tomorrow. Or today, rather.”

“You’re the best.” Connor smiled, already setting up the website from which they could see the show simultaneously. He felt better already, for sure. The woman could be quite scary-looking with her condescending gaze and stiff posture, but Connor had never had such a brotherly relationship with anyone else. He felt safe when they discussed the show and shouted at the characters whenever they did something dumb.

All was well.

Until five o’clock when North said; “Markus wrote to me, asking to join the call.”

Connor’s blood froze, as he thought of the confrontation he would be forced to undertake. At some point he was going to have to speak with the lad, but that could wait until it didn’t feel like an open wound anymore.

“No, I don’t want… “ But North must have already accepted, because Markus’ avatar showed itself loading on the screen beside North’s. As quick as one can be, Connor disconnected from the call before Markus had completely connected.

He hid his face in his hands as his shoulders began to shake. No, he thought, he would  _ not  _ cry again. Instead he slapped himself on the cheek, and after shocking himself with the force of it, he started laughing. Why did he think of this as such a horrible situation? It was only Markus, after all. Markus; with his soft voice and tanned skin; his charm that made him so easy to love; the one who always had a joke ready about everything. Connor’s friend was perfect, and he certainly didn’t deserve to be ignored like this. But on the other hand, maybe it was for the better if they simply parted ways?

Connor shook his head. He’d thought about this before, how perhaps it would be easier to disappear from Markus’ life altogether. It would solve the problems with the unrequited feelings Connor had toward him, that only seemed to grow every time they spoke. If they continued to talk as often as they had the last year or so, Connor was positive he would fall completely into the pit of love he now had his feet in, and never make it back at all. Thus, if he deleted Markus from his contacts, and gave himself time to get over the lad, perhaps he could start dating again.

He nodded as he thought it through. He could text his old pals from his one year at university, and join them for nights out. He could find some cute boy and get their number. Yes, that was better. Why did he yearn for someone who didn’t love him back when there were millions of people in his own city?

While he weighed his options, North and Markus never ceased calling him. Their icons bobbed on the screen constantly, and the messages from both of them started to build up. Sighing, Connor opened the private chat with North, where three messages awaited his attention.

**north** Today at 5:08 AM   
hey connor

**north** Today at 5:09 AM   
mark told me u bailed on him

**north** Today at 5:12 AM   
r u alright ?

Of course Markus had told North - otherwise the woman would never have understood why Connor had left their call as an anxious teenager would. Besides, the two of them had a closer friendship than Connor had with anyone at all, which never failed to make him jealous. Now, his stomach dropped as he realised they sat and spoke of  _ him _ , and why he was such a trainwreck all of a sudden, destroying their good moods. Tentatively, he wrote an answer.

**RK800** Today at 5:21 AM   
yeah im fine dont worry (:

**north** Today at 5:22 AM   
ok bro talk later?

**RK800** Today at 5:22 AM   
alright

Shaking his head, Connor stood up. His head throbbed and his vision was blurry for a second as his low blood sugar levels catched up with him too fast. Damn, he definitely had to steal a sandwich from under the counter later to make his body ease up. It was only half an hour until his alarm would go off, so he could as well begin to get ready now.

After a long shower, he shaved and got dressed for work. His razor had slipped a bit on his upper neck, so now he had a small wound which didn’t look quite as charming as one could hope. He hoped the customers wouldn’t care about that. Apart from the small cut, he had managed to make himself look quite respectable. The greasiness he had gathered during the weekend after sleeping for more than 28 hours in two days had vanished, and the only detail that showed he wasn’t feeling too well were his hollow cheeks and skinny arms. He really did need to spend more time cooking food rather than playing video games.

Although he arrived early to his shift, Josh was already there, lifting down chairs from the tables. He was a good lad, only a few years older than Connor, and they got along well. They had only met outside of their workplace once, when they had decided to go for a pub crawl that turned out to be embarrassing for them both when they drank so much they fell asleep in the fourth pub. Josh had tried to drag him along again after that, but Connor didn’t have enough money and therefore always came up with an excuse.

“Hey, man”, Connor greeted, and got a tired smile in response. “Not awake yet?”

“Not for another hour or so”, Josh answered before yawning to further prove his point. “Would you be a darling and make some coffee?”

That, Connor definitely could.

The day dragged on slowly. During the first hour barely anyone showed up, but at eight o’clock, the line to the counter ran across the entire shop, as everyone wanted to grab a coffee before their own work or school days began. Even though both of them stood by a checkout each, Connor felt how the stress crawled up his back and tried to push him out of shape.

He glanced at Josh, who faked a smile at a lady who was still reading the menu when it was her turn, before looking down at the cup he was preparing. He swore when he realised he had let the coffee run for too long, and then it started running down his hand. With a gasp at the heat, he dropped it to the floor, and became flustered when everyone looked up from their phones to see what had caused the loud  _ splash _ . There was coffee all over the floor, but he didn’t have time to clean it up, and neither did Josh, so he quickly wiped his hands on his apron, told his irritated customer he was sorry, and prepared a new coffee.

When the rush of people subsided, Connor was almost near tears again. The stress had really gotten to him, and he didn’t know what to do about it. As he cleaned the mess on the floor, he wondered yet again what the solution to his problems were. He had eaten a sandwich left in the fridge since Saturday when he had arrived, so he was not particularly hungry. He had walked for twenty minutes to arrive here, and was not too bad at exercising at least a little bit. Had he consumed even a drip of water the past three days? No, he concluded after thinking back. He had only had coffee and beer to drink, so maybe he was just dehydrated.

He filled a large cup of water and was about to drink it, when he dropped that too.

“What’s up with you today?” Josh asked as he watched him clean the floor yet again.

“I don’t know”, Connor answered. “I’m just fidgety, is all.”

“Hungover?” Josh shot him a sympathetic look. “I have an ibuprofen if you want.”

“No, it’s alright.” Connor forced a smile. “Thanks anyway.”

“No worries, man. I’m here if you wanna talk.”

During their lunch break, Connor checked his phone with little interest. He jumped between Reddit and 4chan as if any of the websites would suddenly give him a satisfying post, to no avail. With a sigh, he opened Discord to check if any server would grant him the content he longed for. Instead, he was met with a notification of twenty unread messages from Markus. His grip on the phone hardened. He was still embarrassed, sure, but now that he wasn’t closed up in his apartment anymore, the entire matter didn’t feel as intense as before. If he just wrote to the lad, asking for forgiveness, then all would be well again, and maybe they could play some games tonight, even. He nodded and opened the chat.

**rA9** Yesterday at 10:38 AM   
are you okay

**rA9** Yesterday at 10:38 AM   
?

**rA9** Yesterday at 10:40 AM   
if something’s up you can tell me you know

**rA9** Yesterday at 10:42 AM   
really connor

**rA9** Yesterday at 12:23 PM   
you wanna play tf2?

**rA9** Yesterday at 12:30 PM   
dude, don’t ignore mw

**rA9** Yesterday at 12:30 PM   
me

**rA9** Yesterday at 3:12 PM   
connooor

**rA9** Yesterday at 6:03 PM   
okay but fr you make me worried

**rA9** Yesterday at 6:46 PM   
please respond

**rA9** Yesterday at 7:10 PM   
idc if you’re sad

**rA9** Yesterday at 7:10 PM   
oh no i didn’t mean it like that

**rA9** Yesterday at 7:11 PM   
ofc i care but i don’t think its weird

**rA9** Yesterday at 7:12 PM   
like you can totally cry and it's no big deal you know

**rA9** Yesterday at 7:12 PM   
i'm here for you dude

**rA9** Today at 5:08 AM   
what's the problem w you?

**rA9** Today at 5:09 AM   
you're chill w north but not me?

**rA9** Today at 5:10 AM   
i haven't done anytghing

**rA9** Today at 5:10 AM   
it's you who’s acting weird

**rA9** Today at 6:43 AM   
grow up

Connor stared at his screen for a long while. Then came the tears yet again.

The week dragged by slowly, but for once Connor didn’t mind the long days of work. The longer time he had until his rents were due, the better. He dreaded the thought of not having enough money by the end of the month, and he pictured himself being thrown out by the weird lady who was his landlord. He had no clue as to what he would do if the situation became that dire. Of course, he could probably always stay in his father’s house - but he was twenty-three years old and had already lived on his own for four years, and he wasn’t sure he could handle the embarrassment of failing such a simple task as to own an apartment. Besides, his dad had teared down the wall in his old room to turn it into a part of the living room, and he was not too keen on sleeping on his couch if he were to stay. He had friends, but all of them were most likely busy with their own struggles, and thus Connor didn’t want to ask any favors as big as this of them.

With a sigh, he willed his thoughts away from the future he dreaded, and smiled at the customer who just walked inside. It was a tall young man with blonde hair, and Connor had a hard time deciding whether it was coloured or if it was possible to have such a bright yellow blonde naturally. He spoke with someone on the phone and seemed in no rush to order as he leaned against a table, barely glancing at Connor.

He took the opportunity to check his own phone; something he had found himself doing more often these past few days than he ever had before. It was, of course, Markus’ fault, really. The lad hadn’t stopped texting him, and Connor had a hard time figuring out how to interpret the situation. He was still embarrassed of crying and screaming in front of him, but at this rate he was starting to become more so by the fact that he was ignoring his friends instead of having faced the problem head on. As he opened Discord, he saw there were no new messages, but he still glanced at the texts Markus had sent him.

**rA9** Monday at 8:28 PM   
sorry for what i wrote before i take it back

**rA9** Monday at 9:19 PM   
:/

**rA9** Tuesday at 8:59 PM   
connor bro dude

**rA9** Tuesday at 9:00 PM   
i miss you, man

**rA9** Wednesday at 2:34 PM   
i got the job i told you about

**rA9** Wednesday at 2:34 PM   
i start in two weeks wml

**rA9** Yesterday at 1:12 AM   
please play tf2 w me

**rA9** Yesterday at 1:56 AM   
i miss you

The man moved towards him, and Connor put his phone back in his pocket as he prepared to take his order. He was cute. Connor was almost surprised by this observation. These last couple of months, he hadn’t thought much about anyone except Markus, and it was quite relieving to know he was not so smitten by the lad that he couldn’t find other people attractive, too. He hadn’t reflected over the fact that he had isolated himself not only physically, but also mentally, to his apartment to the degree that the conversations he had on the computer screen felt more real than the majority of the face-to-face interactions he experienced daily. But now, that realisation hit him hard as he tried not to falter when the man smiled at him. 

“Is your hair a fire, because it instantly got hotter when you entered.” Connor met the man’s gaze and slapped a hand over his mouth.

_ What was that? _ He had no intention of saying something like that at all. Professionalism aside, he  _ loathed  _ clichéd pick-up lines. It was horrible - this situation was horrible. He’d only thought about the fact that he was cute, and that it was nice his feelings weren’t completely destroyed by a certain someone. He had definitely not planned to make him uncomfortable by  _ flirting  _ with him!

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I-”

He was cut off by a laugh. First, Connor grew stiff as he waited for him to call out on his embarrassing behavior, or for an angry retort, but then he thought the laugh might actually be a kind one.

“Wow, that was quite a flirt, huh?” the lad said with kind eyes, and Connor grew less stiff by the second. “I love stupid pick-up lines. The worse the better!” he leaned in and put on a fake serious expression. “And I assure you, yours was quite horrible.” He laughed again, and Connor wondered who in the hell this person was.

“I lost my-” Connor began.

“Your number and you want mine?” he finished with a giant grin. “Yeah, that's even worse. You couldn’t pick a more obvious line, could you?” He slammed his hand onto the counter, and Connor almost jumped by surprise as they set eyes to each other, and he seemed unable to look away.

This man seemed so alive; every muscle in his face radiating emotion, and he seemed aware of it too, the way his eyes seemed to gleam in just the right moment, and how his smiles turned into smirks in less than a millisecond. His blue eyes were captivating, and just as he wondered if he would ever resurface after drowning in them, the lad nudged his hand forward. In the hand he had slammed to gain attention, a note was poking out. Connor glanced at him as he took it.

_ double white latte w/o extra sugar - simon _ _  
_ _ 501 743 923 _

Was that… his phone number? He looked up to see that the bloke had wandered a bit to wait for his coffee. Connor was left to smile down at the note.

It had been two weeks since he had last spoken with Markus - two weeks since his meltdown. Connor tried not to think about it, and assured himself it was for the best. Markus was such a positive person he deserved to be surrounded by stable and happy people, as well. He wasn’t sure why his carefully guarded feelings suddenly conveyed themselves after such a trivial matter as not having a lot of money on his bank account, but he was not going to drag his dear friend down by acting emotionally.

In front of his small bathroom mirror, he considered himself. His stubble mocked him, and he decided to shave before taking a cold shower. Dragging the razor across his skin calmed him; it required a stable hand and a focused mind, both of which he had been lacking as of lately. Pleased with the result, he showered quickly and soon found himself in his darkened room to decide what to wear.

He was about to go on a date with Simon, and it was difficult to decide on an outfit since he had no idea where the blonde would take him. After weighing his options, he believed a normal shirt would be too informal, but a suit would be too formal. Thus, he settled on a black button-down, but decided against the tie.

Seeing his reflection in the mirror, he was content with his looks, and was about to leave when he heard a notification from his computer. It was definitely a message on Discord, and he went to read it.

**rA9** Today at 6:08 PM   
hey. i’m sorry if i’ve acted in ways that made you reluctant to show your feelings in front of me.

**rA9** Today at 6:09 PM   
i hope you know it’s totally fine to be emotional sometimes

**rA9** Today at 6:09 PM   
and i’m sorry  _ i  _ was so emotional after you started ghosting me :/

**rA9** Today at 6:10 PM   
i hope someone else will make you feel more comfortable than i did

Connor stared at the screen in disbelief. Oh, Markus. _ Of course _ that selfless man would find a way to blame the incident on himself. Was this some sort of goodbye? Had Markus finally grown tired of backtracking Connor’s actions? They had been really close friends, after all, so perhaps it was no wonder he took this ‘ghosting’ seriously.

_ i hope someone else will make you feel more comfortable than i did _

He closed his eyes to stop the burning before it had any chance to develop into tears. Stupid Markus with his dumb face and thick skull. Didn’t he get it?  _ No one _ could make Connor as uncomfortable as Markus, but not in the unpleasant way the lad must have thought. No, Connor was not  _ reluctant to show his feelings _ because Markus had made him think he wasn’t allowed to. He was  _ scared  _ to be emotional because no one made him feel as much as Markus.

Connor punched himself. Now, his dear friend must hate him, only because he was frightened by his own behaviour and was so determined not to let anyone know. But by doing so, he probably acted even more emotionally than if he had simply owned up to his actions from the beginning. Was it too late to confront him, now?

Simon’s face appeared on his retina, and he cursed. Right. Now was not the time to sulk over lost opportunities; now he had the chance to start over - get a new relationship and learn from past mistakes to make this one better.

He nodded and turned off his computer without answering.

It was dating time.

They met in a park, from which Simon guided them to a restaurant with a conjoined bowling alley. It was nothing fancy at all, and with Simon’s casual t-shirt, Connor was glad he had chosen not to take the tie.

“It’s nice”, he told the blonde, who smiled almost sheepishly in return.

“I know it’s quite childish.” Simon gestured toward the bowling lanes which were mostly occupied by families with kids. “But I like it, and the food is incredible.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

Connor had become a bit unnerved after Markus’ messages, and felt his demeanour was not quite as easygoing as he’d like. While they had flirted without constraint during their first meeting, this one was rather stiff. As they spoke and ordered their food, they had barely said anything other than impersonal small talk, and it was apparent Simon was growing bored.

“If you’re as good at bowling as you are at making coffee, I’m sure I wouldn’t stand a chance”, he said with a wink.

Connor understood this was a compliment, as well as a chance for him to answer in a similarly flirtatious manner. He was not dull, no matter how much time he rather spent on his computer than face-to-face. But today, he might as well have had no skills of reading social cues.

“I’m not.” He answered stiffly and took a bite of food to indicate he had nothing more to say. Simon raised a brow.

“Is that so?” He tried to sound intrigued, and Connor had to appreciate that. “But I’m sure your fingers are good at other things.”

“Sure.”

Simon looked at him incredulously.

Connor was honestly not sure why he gave the other nothing to work with. He was a nice, handsome young man that he was certain would be a kind boyfriend. Markus would be, too, he mused. Actually, he didn’t know how Markus would treat a partner; as far as Connor knew, he had only had a pair of past relationships, and all of them no longer than a few months. The lad was always open and glad to share anecdotes with him when they played games together, but he had never spoken of his exes more than in passing. He had no clue what Markus’ type was, but he would very much like to know.

That’s when Connor realised what was wrong with this date. Blonde hair and fair skin should rather be shaved and tanned, while the eyes looking at him across the table should be of two different colours rather than a set of blue ones. Of course. Forgetting a long-lasting romantic interest would be harder than this, he should have figured.

“I’m so sorry.” Connor hid his face in his hands and although he couldn’t see Simon, he felt his curious gaze on him and his cheeks grew warm. “I thought I was ready to date, but I suppose I was… not.” He dared a peek through his fingers, and saw Simon’s face turn soft as boredom was replaced by sympathy.

“Recent breakup?” He smiled kindly, and Connor realised this man was probably too good for him either way.

“No. Or, kind of, I guess.” Connor lowered his hands to let them rest in his lap. “It’s rather I have unrequited feelings for someone.”

Simon nodded thoughtfully, too understanding for someone who had just gotten a date ruined, and Connor dearly wished the man would find someone who deserved his kindness.

“Are you sure it’s one-sided?” He asked. “Sometimes the mind plays tricks on us to make us see less of ourselves.”

Connor was about to answer affirmatively, but closed his mouth before he could.

Markus was always the chattier one of them, and rarely failed to make Connor laugh or smile. Even when they played with friends he was usually the most cheery. But, Connor realised as he thought back on it, perhaps that fact had disregarded the way he noticed how  _ he  _ affected  _ Markus,  _ as well. If Markus said something funny, Connor would laugh and retort, which would make Markus laugh, too. He had always brushed it off to Markus’ credit - that  _ he  _ was the funnier one. But perhaps Markus thought the same with Connor?

“You should ask them”, Simon said and continued eating, seemingly not disturbed by the way the date had turned platonic. “Or you could go on pining forever.” He winked, and Connor laughed.

The rest of the night was spent with not his date, but a new friend, and Connor was very content as his regular easygoing characteristics returned.

**RK800** Today at 1:03 AM   
hello markus

**rA9** Today at 1:04 AM   
connor! glad to see you’re alive :)

**RK800** Today at 1:04 AM   
yeah,,, im so sorry for ignoring you

**RK800** Today at 1:04 AM   
ive been a bitch and its totally not your fault at all

**rA9** Today at 1:05 AM   
i must admit i don’t entirely understand what happened :/

Connor considered the chat a moment before taking a large gulp of his beer, and pressed the  _ call  _ button. Barely three seconds passed before Markus picked up.

“Connor”, he said, sounding almost out of breath. Was he relieved to hear from him again?

“Hello”, he greeted stupidly.

They were quiet for a while, then they spoke up at the same time.

“Markus, I’m sorry-”

“I hope you don’t-”

They both turned silent again, then said “you start”, at the same time as well. None of them could contain the laughs that bubbled out, and Connor already felt so much better at laughing with his joyous friend again.

“I’m so sorry for ignoring you these last weeks”, he said when they quieted down. “It was extremely childish of me.”

“A bit”, Markus agreed. “At first I was mad you didn’t trust me enough to not make a big deal out of you… showing emotions, but then I just grew worried you actually felt unwell.”

Connor bit his lip and fiddled with the cord to his headphones. How much should he admit?

“I’ve never doubted my trust with you”, he said, carefully choosing his words. “But I was frightened by the way my emotions took control of me, and I didn’t want to take it out on you at all.”

“So you figured the best way to deal with it was to ghost me for two weeks?” Markus was mocking him, but a fondness outlined his tone that made Connor smile lopsidedly. His icon bobbed as he spoke.

“I was embarrassed”, he defended. “So, yeah. It wasn’t fair on you, but I couldn’t muster the courage to confront you.”

“Why?” Markus sounded desperate.

“Because”, Connor drew in a breath. “Because I couldn’t bear the thought of you realising I’m a wreck. And although I think I’ve come to terms with it now, I still don’t-”

“Connor”, Markus interrupted him, voice firm. “You’re  _ not  _ a wreck for crying in front of me  _ once!” _

“But-”

“Do you seriously believe that this would change the way I perceive you? God, Connor, you’re so…” He took a deep breath, most likely to stop himself from saying something rash. “I was actually  _ relieved  _ you showed some other emotion than happiness for once. You’re always so glad and positive, I was almost afraid you weren’t human.”

Connor blinked. It was true, then. Markus and Connor both perceived each other in the same way, thinking the other was perfect while themselves were the dark shadow.

“I’m sorry”, he repeated, and mentally cursed himself when his eyes prickled with tears, although this time they were relieved ones.

“Me too”, Markus said. They were quiet for a while, both of them considering what had been said.

“I was on a date today”, Connor said tentatively after a bit.

“Oh.” The way Markus’ voice dropped made Connor’s confidence grow.

“It didn’t go well.”

“What went wrong?” Markus’ tone was low, on the edge of being a whisper, and it filled Connor’s stomach with a warmth he had still not grown accustomed to.

“It wasn’t with you”, he whispered. It was scary, to lay himself bare beneath Markus to treat him as he pleased. But it was such a relief to finally rid himself of this secret, he barely reflected on it.

_ “Oh”, _ was Markus’ reply. It sounded like he smacked his lips together. “Then… Do you want to try again? With me?”

Connor’s smile spread from ear to ear as he answered, and by Markus’ chuckle he was sure it was visible even though they couldn't see each other.

“Absolutely.”


End file.
